Today, I am depressed

I’ve been rather good these past few months in dealing with mental health but over the past week or so it all caught up with me. I prided myself on being over my eating disorder, only to be told that I’m still very much dealing with it. Anorexia Nervosa. Previously, my doctors failed to tell me what eating disorder I had, merely stating it was just an eating disorder and, to get over it, I needed to eat. Needed to eat? How can I eat when my brain has gone into overdrive, telling me that I am going to gain a lot of weight in a short period of time and never be able to get rid of it? I’ve always been small so, now that I’m starting a proper recovery, I’ve been very anxious about my body. I know it’s going to change for the better, and I am constantly trying to ignore that annoying little voice that is telling me to just stay at the weight I am. I’m eating around 400-500 calories a day, way below what I should be eating. I binge one day and starve myself the next. I can’t tell you why I do it, I just do. I have a very small appetite and, along with mental health, there also is a possibility of physical issues causing me to have problems with eating. I had a blood test last week so I’m waiting to hear the results for that.
With school work, it’s just getting difficult to concentrate. I have no focus, no drive, no motivation. I just want to sleep and sleep and sleep. I have stacks of books and notes that need to be completed, and I want to study I really do as I love law, but my motivation levels are at an all-time low.
It seems as though I have no one to talk to. Mental health definitely makes you feel as though you are trapped between a rock and a hard place, and I don’t want to bother people or else I’ll feel like a burden. For now, I’ll just shut myself away in my room and distract myself with Netflix and music, that ought to do the trick.


10 Comments Add yours

  1. 🌹V.O.L says:

    You’re never alone hun. Always talk to someone, it helps x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m always here to talk! I know what you mean about feeling alone 💛💛

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Keeping you in my thoughts. Here if you need to talk xxx

    Melina |

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Sending you all the love and all the hugs! As someone who has suffered from an eating disorder, I know how you feel. It gets better though, it really does! If you ever need/want to talk/vent/cry/yell, send me a message, id be happy to talk! 😘💗

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m very sorry you are feeling like this. You will get through this hon, starting to get better is the most difficult part but you can do this. You probably lack the motivation and want to sleep a lot because of you are your body doesn’t get enough calories to function properly but I’m sure your doctor told you that. However you are feeling, just know you are beautiful inside and out and if you ever want to talk, please feel free to send me a message lovely,
    You will get through this xxxxxx Gabrielle 😘

    Liked by 1 person

  6. simplyshaiz says:

    It’s definitely not an easy thing to go through but you are not alone and it’s so brave of you to open up and talk about it I think that’s always a great way to start. Happy to talk anytime. Insta @simplyshaiz. Blog about it as well if you want to u never know who might read it and who it could help. You will beat This!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Chips says:

    Here for you x

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Teri says:

    Mental health is very very real. I know some think its less important than physical health but I find mental health harder to deal with. Fighting yourself and your brain take immense will power. Even getting the strength to ask for help or write something like what you have writted is hard. Please don’t stop sharing. I am wondering if there are underlying emotional reasons for the eating disorder than need to be resolved before attacking the eating disorder itself? Well keep going and please don’t give up. I have been there with ups and downs. It gets easerishh kind of but it takes a lot of time, work, and therapy. So sorry.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Girl Enters says:

    I abslutely LOVE your blog, you style is so perfectly satisfying ❤ I came up with this Christmas tag and tagged you, hopefylly you can participate, you rae an incredible blogger and you are not alone, please continue posting, here is something to hopefully cheer you up:

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Han says:

      Thank you lovely! I’ll be sure to do the tag now, such a great idea!

      Liked by 1 person

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